My fingers are trembling as I write this. They dont know what to write. My mind is full of scattered pieces of thoughts just like the shards of glass that are lying on the ground after a long lasting war full of bloodshed. My mind is ordering my fingers to take out the pain inside, through some way and I just cant really tell what is going on but it isn’t nice. The adrenaline rush is taking control over my whole circulatory system and no I am not physically ill, but it is the mental pain that has taken a physical manifestation. How did this happen..
Why are there good days and bad days. Why cant just everything be normal like the line of the ECG machine which is straight as though there is no life. Why cant everything be. Why are emotions so overwhelming? That they overpower every good and bad things in life. How can they be so overwhelming that they have the ability to change your whole psychology?
Why are the days categorized as good or bad? Days are just numbers that will keep increasing until one day when there is no air in the lungs to breathe, no sense in my touch and then they will stop..
Why do I hear people crying at the back of my head when the emotional bloodshed reaches heights of Mount Everest and then I have to hold my thighs and hug them till the crying and the screaming slowly fades away and nothing but silence remains. Deep, dark, dead silence which has all the dead remains of the war that you fought very bravely ,yet you are still defeated. Defeated… and lying on the ground, lifeless.
Pain is like a never ending addition to the good things.
Like love! Love sounds so magical and god like. It is indeed magical and god like. It makes you feel warm inside. Warmth. Just like the winter sun which one morning kissed your cheek and put a smile on your face.
But eventually love starts to show its other side. It tells you that you cant always be happy. You cant always be all magical. Things can go really wrong when you love someone. Slowly it starts to intoxicate and starts to take all the smiles away. But it is worth it. Why is it worth living for and fighting for? Why? WHY DOES IT HAVE SO MUCH POWER TO OVERPOWER EVERYTHING?! I KNOW I AM RAMBLING AND IT IS JUST SO CONFUSING AND FRUSTRATING BUT I KNOW IT WILL BE OKAY ASOON AND THEN THNGS WILL BE BACK TO NORMAL AND THEN THE CYCLE WILL START AGAIN!
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?! Why does it have to start all over again? *sigh*
I will stop now.
and yes, it will ok.